The Brilliant Flash of Connection…or is it?

The world of intimate relationships can be dazzling and confusing.  Sometimes, we meet someone special who truly takes our breath away.  An instant connection can be felt and the sex can be incredible, perhaps even transcendent.  We may wonder at our good fortune in meeting someone so exciting, attractive, and scintillating.  Part of the enticement might be that we cannot even figure out why we feel so connected to this person.  We may feel that this new partner knows our every thought, and that he/she can even finish our sentences.  When that special person smiles at us, it may feel like the sun is brilliantly shining upon us.  What could be wrong with this scenario, you might ask?

Nothing, unless it shifts suddenly.  And it usually does.  Such a brilliant flame cannot maintain its intensity and quite honestly, it can become exhausting.  Of course, it is important to feel sexually attracted to your partner, but the most intense sexual connections do not always include the ingredients of healthy relationships.  The most exciting sexual attractions can often be consuming and somewhat obsessive.  In the long-term, this kind of connection does not usually stand up as well as one that is built on solid ground over time.  It is qualities such as kindness, reliability, consideration, and respect that help us to weather many seasons in an intimate relationship.

Furthermore, a person who at first can seem exciting and gregarious can become self-absorbed and obnoxious as time goes by.  An entertaining and zany person could turn into a moody, vain, and challenging person to live with other time.  If the person often goes to the extreme, you can be sure that the opposite extreme will most likely show up at some point.  This may be a sign of some unresolved emotional issues in the person.

The desire to want someone else’s sole focus can indicate neediness and/or enmeshment.  This person may have a fear of being alone that makes it difficult for him/her to support you through your own life crises.  There may be underlying insecurities that prevent him/her from being able to authentically focus on others’ needs.  For example, if your new partner always has to be the centre of attention, this might not work so well when you want to celebrate one of your accomplishments or those of another loved one.  Over time, what is missing in the relationship could create much frustration and a lack of fulfillment.

So, while sexual attraction is essential, you might run into difficulty if you make it the deciding factor for a long-term connection.  The relationship journey may start off hot and steamy, but you might end up in a train wreck instead of a soft place to land as it continues.  Enjoy the connection, but remember to check out your partner’s deeper qualities as well.

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